Vetting Men: Have A Child OOW? I’m Not Checkin’ For Ya.
People like to talk a lot about single mothers or women who have had children out of wedlock (OOW), but oftentimes these same people aren’t as willing to call men with OOW children out.
I’ve had men flat out tell me that they wouldn’t consider having a relationship with a woman with children OOW. I agree with them and echo their sentiments- I wouldn’t consider a man with OOW children a dating or mating prospect either; however, when I express this, men sometimes look at me with surprise and even sometimes disdain. Double standard much?
I know that life isn’t fair, that double standards exist because there are two sexes, and what applies to women in the romance realm doesn’t always equally apply to men. I get all that. People try to rationalize and make excuses for this but, in MY LIFE if a woman's OOW children can hinder her dating and mating prospects so can a man’s. Here’s why:
1.) People follow behavior patterns.
As a marriage minded woman you should consider that if a man wasn’t able to make a commitment to the mother of his children, he is likely also unable to make a commitment to you.
2.) There is an element of responsibility.
I do make a distinction between a divorced man with children and a never married man with children. The former shows a certain level of responsibility while the latter shows a complete lack of responsibility.
3.) Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with him AND his resentful baby’s mama(s)?
4.) Excuse: “He was young and stupid and made a mistake!”
We’ve all been young and stupid and made mistakes. Yet many of us managed to not have an unwanted pregnancy as a result.
5.) Excuse: “He was tricked!”
Why is he sleeping with triflin’ women that will trick him? Why isn’t he doing a better job of screening the women he chooses to have unprotected sex with? This actually says more about the man than it does the woman who supposedly tricked him-- especially if he’s been “tricked” multiple times, LOL! He’s either very stupid or wants to be tricked. I know men who absolutely insist on wearing condoms and using other birth control methods regardless of whether the woman claims to be on birth control or not. They aren’t taking any chances with their lives, paychecks, and net worth for a moment of passion. Not all men ascribe to this “Well I can’t feel anything blah blah blah” bullsh*t.
6.) Rationalization: “He’s still a good man who takes care his kids!”
If he were really a good man he wouldn’t have random children scattered about. Believe you me, this is only the tip of the iceberg, this is just what you see on the surface. Dude probably has a whole host of other issues that you won’t even find out about until it’s much too late. Examples: Mel Gibson, Jude Law, Lil’ Wayne, T.I., Braylon Edwards, Charlie Sheen,…I could go on.
As for taking care of his kids, so what? That’s what he’s supposed to do, he doesn’t get any special passes for that. Besides, do single mothers get that same consideration?
Morale of the story: just stay away!
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